Sex and Sneaking Out - Teen Trouble
77Teen Sex and Sneaking Out
Parents - there are many clues right there infront of you! I was a teen several years back and I want parents to know what to look for in their teens behavior.
I was horrible:
- I had sex as a teen (different partners)
- I snuck out all the time to see whom ever the flavor of the month was
- I lied to my parents
- I was unsafe in all of my actions
- NOW I live to tell my story to help other parents see the light at the end of the tunnel!
There are so many reasons attached to why a teen acts out. I remember back when I was in 6th grade if not younger, I was interested in boys. Boy was I ever interested. I remember writing letters (something for parents to always look for) back and forth with girls and boys. The letters started out simple and sweet with the ever so simple words of "Will you be my boyfriend?" Good grief before you knew it there was hand holding, simple pecks on the cheek, a kiss on the lips, and then bang before you knew it FRENCH KISSING! I can remember the first boy I french kissed, I was in the 6th grade. Now that I think back, that was waaaayyyy toooo young of an age to start that.
When I was in the 6th grade my parents started having problems. I had a brother and sister and we were all in many different school activities. My mother couldn't do it all on her own and my father wasn't much help at that time. I think he may have even had a girlfriend behind my mother's back (that's another story)... So, my parents were fighting alot, we were moving back to our home town and us kiddos were not happy about that. We loved where we lived and we didn't want to move. My parents didn't want to discuss it, it was a done deal. So, we moved back to our home town. My parents still didn't get along, my mother worked as a nurse, my father traveled some with work and was gone quite a bit. So, where do you think I looked when it came to warmth, feeling loved and wanted? You got it, boys, guys, men!!!!!! That's right I said MEN. I was now in Junior High and a popular girl. I was very athletic, friendly, and out spoken. I liked the boys. I remember my mom letting us invite boys over to watch movies. I was in the 8th grade by this time. They were only allowed to stay until 10:00. We were a small town where everybody new everybody. So, I would have a slumber party of my best girls over and then we would invited the boys to come and watch a movie or play games. As soon as my mother left the room (it was make out time). 8th GRADE, and it wasn't just a little making out, hands in the shirt, touching where we shouldn't have been touch, you get the point. It's obvious that all of us were horny kids and had there been no parent there then sex would have more than likely taken place.
HINT: If your child/teen is sitting with a boy/girl in your house or elsewhere and watching TV/Movie, make sure they have nothing over their lap (blanket, jacket, pillow) because I guarantee there is something going on underneath it. Trust me on this. It could be as simple as hand holding but usually NOT.
NOTE: ALWAYS keep an open relationship with your kids. DO NOT let life get too busy to where you leave them behind or forget that they need you. Kids/Teens need their parents and they need to know they can talk to them about anything. Parents should ask their kids continuously about school and their activities. Remember to talk to their teachers regularly to find out if they are doing well and if they have noticed any changes. Remember that teachers hear all the gossip, so go to the source.
Another Note: Hug you child, go in their room and talk to them before bed time and tell them you love them. Let them know you are proud of them. Don't always tell them what they are doing wrong, you also have to praise them. Do as many family things TOGETHER as you can, it makes a world of difference.
I now that teens demand privacy but the simple fact is that their privacy is your (parents) business. Don't think that for a minute your child is JUST studying. They are thinking about boys/girls and wondering about things we only wish they wouldn't wonder about.
Leaping to the following year: HIGH SCHOOL
Freshman year and it's time for sports, friends, fun, and all other activities.
VERY IMPORTANT TIPS:
Know who your child is hanging out with. Get to know the friends and their parents. If your teen asks to stay the night (no matter how trusting you are) talk to the parent's of the whom ever your teen is staying the night with.
Scenario:
Mom, I am going to stay the night with Tina. We are going to just hang out and watch movies. Mom knows I have been friends with Tina for years so she completely trusts that this is our plan. Well, my mom didn't know that Tina's parents were not at home and I was truly not staying the night with her. I was staying the night with my older boyfriend. His parents didn't care who came over or who stayed the night and his parents would cover for them as well. Another trick: If my mother called my friends house looking for me, I would have them tell my mom I was outside, in the restroom, etc., and that I would call her right back. My friend in turn would call me and tell me to call my mom. I would quickly call my mom and tell her I was ok and would be home in the morning. During this time I was staying the night with my boyfriend (you got it, teen sex). Now, many don't use protection, they don't want to use it. So, just remember no matter how hard you preach protection, the majority of the time protection doesn't exist.
Tip: When you pick your child/teen up from a friends house, stop in and say hi to the parents and ask how the night went. On many occassions your teen may have not stayed the night with their friend but was still dropped off their by the boyfriend/girlfriend that morning to keep the cover SOLID.... Call your teen throughout the evening and ask to talk with the parents even if it's more than once. You are not being overbearing, believe me you are protecting your child.
Tip: If you notice your child/teen is hanging around a different crowd, there is a chance they are dating someone different or someone from that crowd. Find out all you can. Talk to long time friends and even teachers. You will only find out facts if you ask. Make sure you ask about your child/teens attendance record at school. There are many ways to keep track of that now so make sure you do.
Tip: If your child/teen is staying up late and you notice they are really tired everyday after school, then there is a chance they are sneaking out. Check your phone records and see who your teen is talking to. Know the numbers of their friends. Also just because a name is listed in a cell phone doesn't mean that name fits the REAL person that THAT particular number is attached to. For example: I would have a friend (girl) name programmed in my phone, but the phone number under that name was really to a guy. I had an easy cover. I could tell my mom that I was talking to Tina. Write down cell phone numbers, call them and investigate. Never underestimate the brilliance of a child/teen.
MAJOR TIP: If you notice frequent napping, weird bed times, or anxiousness from your child, then look into it. When your child leaves look around their room, check phone records, look in places you would never think to look. If you find a picture or letters to/from someone you don't know then ask your child about it and do it in an open manner. Talk to your child about it, don't scream or yell. Tell them you want to discuss who this person is. It could be the boyfriend your teen is hiding from you. Then remember that YOU as the parent make the final decision on who your child can/cannot see.
TIP: If your teen sleeps on the couch alot watching late night shows, they could be waiting for you (THE PARENT) to go to sleep and then they may just be sneaking out to see their boyfriend. So, no matter how your raise your kids, make sure they are on a schedule no matter what their age is. I know that not all teens are the same, I was a horrible seed. But, I had lots of friends doing this same stuff that I was doing.
PARENTS, WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT, SET YOUR ALARM FOR 1:00 AM AND GO INTO YOUR TEENS ROOM TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE THERE. If they are not there then call the cops immediately. This will scare the crap out of them. Don't wait for them to come home and just lecture them, call the cops and nip it as quick as you can.
PHONES IN BEDROOMS: Parents, if you allow your teens to have phones period check them fequently. Make sure if it's a cell phone that you take it away from them and put it in your room with you after their bedtime. This way they have no contact with their friends after bedtime hours. This will assist in inconveniencing sneaking out.
Now, this is a big one. ALWAYS, take your purse and keys to bed with you. Put themi in your room. My sister and I (both sneaker outers) would take our parents vehicles to see our boyfriends. If you as a parent even think for a minute that your teen sneaks out then check your mileage nightly before you go to bed. You will know for sure if your vehicle is being used. Put an alarm system in the house. This isn't always effective as we got around it ours as teens.
If you know your teen has a boyfriend/girlfriend, get to know their family. Make it understood that you DO NOT for any reason allow sleeping over on either part. This is a big deal. Many parents just don't care and will let boyfriend/girlfriends stay the night. VERY SCARY!!!
If your teen is sneaking out and having sex then their is a huge risk of early pregnancy and STDs. If you know your teen is or has had sex, have them tested immediately or on a regular basis. This will prevent or at least assist in lowering future health risks.
Know your kids, know who they are, where they go, and what they are doing. The first time you set them free they will take advantage of it.
Grant it, not all kids are the same, but believe me you don't know them as well as you think you do. NOBODY DOES.
I am closing for now but I will post more later. I have tons more that you can catch up on in my next blog which is a continuation of this one. Please forgive any mispellings, grammar issues. :)
Many may not agree with this blog but it comes from experience.
REMEMBER:
KEEP WINDOWS LOCKED AND NAIL THEM SHUT IF NEED BE. SNEAKING OUT IS EASY!!!!
CHECK YOUR WINDOW SCREENS FOR BENDING OR SEE IF THEY ARE ON THE GROUD. ASK NEIGHBORS IF THEY HAVE EVER SEEN ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS. LET YOUR TEEN KNOW IT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. PUT BELLS OR SOMETHING ON THE DOORS THAT WILL SURPISE YOUR TEEN IF THEY GO TO OPEN IT LATE AT NIGHT. THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR TEEN IS SNEAKING OUT.
DON'T UNDER ESTIMATE THEM!!!!!!!!
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Advice is best from experience....good hub...thanks! :)
This is a great hub--thank you for honesty. We've raised our three children now, but for others who have teens, I'm sure this hub will be a real eye-opener for them...I'm sure it will help a lot of parents!
This is really very helpful tips from an "insider". With the rampant teen sex nowadays, we as parents really have to be vigilant always to protect our children.
I just wanted to say thanks for the responses and although I don't have teenagers I was a teenager not long ago and these are just tips for parents who suspect their teens of doing things they shouldn't be doing. Have a great week. If you read the post, read all of it and understand that it's a post to inform parents.
Having a clear and open communication line with children can pro-actively prevent, or at least, minimize this type of behavior. It's a great fear of mine with my up and coming teenagers, but thank you for your perspective and will probably implement a few things (I think solid iron bars across the windows would be good... :D)
Best of Luck Beth100. I'm sure your teens will be just fine. You sound like a wonderful mother who has a great relationship with them..
Or you can make an oath on a piece of jewelry to wear everyday.
In some cases when kids to act out the windows do have to be nailed shut. It's important for parents to have a great relationship with their kiddos. This may prevent problems. Some teenagers are wonderful but there are some that are lead into the wrong direction. The advice in this blog is actually good advice for some. The ones posting with foul language and ignorance are the immature teens. Claire you are bright and seem very mature, keep up the great life and do what's best for you. There are many teens out there that are nothing like you and that need guidance.
I'm 14 and I feel that this is WAY too overbearing! If a parent wants to have a good relationship with their teen, they have to trust them! Like Claire (2 comments up), I have a lot of friends who drink, smoke marijuana, etc. but I've never even tried any of it. Why? Because my mom has always been really good about trusting me, and I want her to be able to trust me. I admit that I have snuck out a couple of times, but not to have sex with my boyfriend or hit a wild party, it was to comfort my best friend (who lived across the street) after a nasty breakup because her mom wouldn't let her have sleepovers. If you honestly want to keep your kid from doing bad things, talk to them about it and let them know that you trust them not to do it, because believe me no matter what you do, they will find ways around it.
Hi, this comment is for Grace. If your mother trust you Grace at 14 that is great. You no dout have given her reason to trust you. But there are teen/pre-teen's who have not gained trust of their parents. And this written paper is an experience of an ex-teen who was not trust worthy. And all she wants to do is warn parents not to over estemate their teen children. Grace you are not a parent yet. It is the right of the parent to protect their children at all costs. Yes, you are right they need to be reasonable about it. And no they my not always be right about everything. But they are older, they are the parents and all we want to do is protect are children from unwanted dangers. That's all Grace. And Grace if parents are good examples for their teens, trust me teens will not find ways around it. If you want to believe it or not teens want direction and they want the trust of their parents. One day Grace you will understand...right now YOU are only 14.
Thank you for the wonderful insight you obliged us with rnbischero. I agree that this post is to inform and let parents know what dangers are out there and what to look for in their teens.
This is way too biased. not all teens are like this. this is just the perspective of someone who is impulsively irresponsible
Dylan, read this again. this is a parent trying to inform other parents. Read it all!!!!!!!!
My 14 year old came home drunk at 5:30 am today after sneaking out with an 18 year old senior from her school, who obvisouly was trying to get her liquored up. I was devestated and shocked. She's active on her school teams, Excellent student and a great young woman. She is so lucky the "man" didnt get farther than he did or roufie her as she's only known him since school started 2 weeks ago.She says she feels awful (hungover?) and stupid. My trust is shattered and she just started highschool. Sneaking out is one thing but drinking and allowing herself to be suckered by an 18 year old man is Dangerous. Because of one bad decision, she could be pregnant or dead. Thank God she's safe but her lack of decision making ability shows me I have to protect her from herself, limiting all the fun she could have had if she continued to show me good decision making skills.
this is not alwayz true
Okay, wow this is way to harsh. I am 16 and I think this is ridiculous. I admit I have snuck out a few times to see a boy but nothing more than a little making out happened. I mean is that really all that bad? No. I wouldn't do anything else and i never even have. I only think parents should read and follow this is if they have reason to believe their teen is doing this. If not, then your teen may feel like you don't trust them and that won't be a good relationship at all!
ok, im 18 in 2 months, i read this and laughed. im known for sneaking out. whether its from being caught or coz ive told my mum (single parent). i drink at parties, i smoke, i go out with a guy who my mum has reason to hate. but doind all the stuff in this post is just going to make your child want to rebel more. i mean, sure, i know my mum doesnt trust me, and she has good reason to. but we made the deal that i wouldnt sleep in parks and as a consolation i am allowed to bring any ammount of friends back to the house so they dont either. it's safer and mum knows where i am. occasionally i tell her when i am "sneaking out" (meeting friends at the local park to drink, smoke and chill at about midnight)...she doesnt like it but she knows where i am and she knows that if she drives past theres a good chance she'll see me there.
my advice, if you want your kid to have a good relationship with you, trust them...and if they give you reason not to trust them then give them alternatives todoing what they are doing that you dont agree with. sure, theyre still going to rebel, it's a teenage thing, but they will eventually see that your option is better. eg. recently i stopped drinking at the park and instead everyone comes to my house and we sit in the garden or the garage or downstairs, we have the privacy we want but mum knows im safe.
the post is an overreaction MAJORLY! calm down guys! do you really want your kids to hate you!
Ok i know this was based off experience, but that advice will just make the teen feel more trapped and want to rebel more. And this would probably be good tips for YOUR parents. This makes me mad, if my parents did that I'd be so depressed. You can't build up your child to be this innocent little thing you want them to be. Checking around their room? Falling asleep on the couch watching tv? Really? My brothers do that all time. Guess they snuck out. And I know you said that every kid is not the same, but you're writing this specifically on your actions. Would you like it if back when you were a teen your mom read this post and did everything you stated? You'd be miserable. And now you're teaching parents how to make their child miserable. Oh and hey, I'm on my phone right now, my mom forgot to take it away before bedtime. Looks like I'm commenting this blog and not making plans to sneak out. Also, I honestly think parents can't stop sex. And only the smart and responsible teenagers will use protection. The parents can either be angry that the teen is being smart enough to use it or happy that atleast they're using it. You were a bad seed, but maybe half of those things you said would be good to bring up a child. I think the whole being open with the child is good. My parents aren't open with me and I feel very uncomfortable when it comes to talking about serious things. I'm 17 btw
I think you have to do what works for you. You cant take the blog and apply it to every teen. I am a mother of a almost 15 year old son who just recently has been caught sneaking out and continues to do so even after privellages have been taken away. There is absolutely no respect when he speaks with me (and again...just recently). I feel like I don't even know who he is. So this is a question for all of you teenagers...what am I supposed to do? As a mother who cares INCREDIBLY about my child's safety, I am not going to ignore it. Not only is it dangerous (would if an emergency arose and I could not locate him as I don't know where he is going) but it is also extremely disrespectful. As parents, we give love, a safe place to stay, food, warmth etc etc and have been open to having his friends over when he wants. I am at a loss...I have 3 other boys and don't know how to deal with this...again, I would love to hear from teens as to what they need and keep in mind, I can't trust my son anymore because of the straight up lies and disrespect. I can't ignore this!
Thanks in advance.
A truly concerned mom
i just read this and i gotta say u have got to be the worst parent in the world. a teenagers business aint the parents business at all. ur a textbook example of an overprotective control freak parent.
Kyle, this story is what I did when I was a teen. It's to give parents insite. I'm not a control freak, I don't have teenagers. You must read and read it all before you reply. Oh and a teenager or child of any age is a parents responsibility so what they do is the parents business. Wake up, this is the real world and maybe you need better parents because you are obviously disrespectful and don't ever tell someone they are a bad parent unless you know them. Makes you sound like a fool.
I LOVE that u posted this! This was so me as a teen and I have tried everything to have a open honest trustworthy relationship with my teen. Let her know I trusted her talked to her but that didnt seem to help one bit!! I found out she had sex at 14 and in her eyes it was ok because she "loved" the guy and wasnt having sex with random people. I even talked to the parents to make sure that they wouldnt be left alone at any time by thierselves but that didnt seem to help because the mother of her boyfriend let me know that she totally understood and it wouldnt happen. But it did!! Are relationship is open enough for her to tell me about it but she has totally lost my trust !!!
Lol i love the bit in bold. So true :$
wow, not going to lie that this is a rather scary "hub" maybe it is because i am a teen and havnt had the fortunate experience of raising children. but believe me, if two teens want to do something, you cant stop it. my girlfriend's parents have tried to lock her away from well me frankly. and yet we still manage to sneak out, talk late into the night and do things they would murder me for. and usually, when parents act this extreme, they just look like over bearing morons that "dont care about their kids" granted i do think teen sex is a huge issue. and just because kids are sneaking out, that doenst mean they are doing horrible things. me and my girlfriend are still virgins. when we sneak out we just go drive some where in the middle of no where and i hold her and we just talk. that is my random rant. thank God for google.
i just caught my 16 year old daughter red handed having sex with a boy in her bedroom. This is the third time, that I know of, that this has happened. She is having sex with boys that she just met. I took her cell phone away and I just found out tonight that her friend gave her another one. I started home schooling her in the 9th grade when everything started, then found out she was meeting guy online and they were coming to my house without my knowledge. She was also sending inappropriate pics of herself. Well tonight I had enough and called the cops. He took my statement and that was it. He said he can't take her to juvi for this. I about died. Now I have to be held hostage in my own home because I can't trust her here by herself and if I make her go with me when I leave, she'll make my life hell. I love my daughter very much, but I have a younger daughter that I need to think about too. The cop said that there is nothing I can do except parent her. I can't have her arrested, sent to juvie, or sign her over to the state. I had her in counseling for 2 years, I have mom daughter days, talk openly with her and I have never been one of those parents that just let her do whatever, just because it would make my life easier. I am going to take your advice and activate my security system and nail her windows shut. I only have a little over a year til she is 18. I am looking forward to getting some sleep again. Thanks for all the good advice. Just glad to know I'm not alone.
hey i have a better idea, why dont you handcuff your child to a pole, take away all electricity in their room feed them water and bread make them sleep on a hard wood floor with a pillow case to cover up with and beat them on a regular basis (it would be better than what this post had to say). really, this post is stupid, my girlfriends mom does this kind of stuff and she HATES her mom so much she tells me everytime she sees me how much she hates her because she is too overbearing. so im going to give other tips
#1.Give your child some freedom and treat them like you would want to be treated
#2.treat there boyfriends/friends with respect and they will generally treat you with respect
#3. NEVER invade your childs privacy NEVER but instead ask them if they wouldnt mind if you checked through their room and if they overreact then they may have something to hide and if they say NO respect their decision and say ok. (cuz at least you already know what you wanted to know without being a douche)
#4. stay as calm as possible if you catch them doing something stupid and just talk it through with them like a civilized human being
#5. tell them if they get a girl pregnant or end up pregnant that they will have to spend the rest of their life with that person and you wont help them out,(even though you probably will)that is sometimes enough to scare a teen into using protection at least
most importantly is rule #6. if you tell a teen they CANT do something they probably will do it so instead of telling them they CANT just talk through the consequences that their actions could cause cuz teens hate not knowing why they shouldnt do something. and if all else fails then just try being a little bit angry with them and if that still dont work then well, at least you tried without being a douchebag parent.
I was a teen about 4 years ago and I kind of laugh at the responses by the current teenagers. My parents did not need to do any of these things while I was in high school. I hung out with a pretty tame crowd for my freshman and sophomore year. In my junior and senior year, I hung out with kids that were a little wilder but still very level headed, for the most part. Some of my friends partied and one was definitely having teen sex with her boyfriend without her parents knowing. I did not do either of these things. I did well academically, I had a job and was involved in other school activities. So, I guess I'm a little on the other spectrum of the writer of this article.
I guess at the time, if my parent nailed my window shut I would be a little annoyed. But, I never did anything to cause them to doubt me and so I was trusted. Another thing is that I always understood that the house that I lived in was not mine. It was my parents house. That meant that I had to respect their rules if I expected life to go easy. If I didn't respect the rules, there would be consequences. When I did get in trouble. I hated it, but I got over it. My life is not ruined by what they did.
My younger brother and sister recently did this and they are in major trouble. They are grounded for a week and they lost all technology. No access to the car. No cell phones, iTouches, laptops, computer, tv or xbox/wii. They are not allowed to go anywhere unless it is to my grandparents, school, church or work. My parents are moving their room to the main floor and doors must be kept open all the time.
My brother is acting like it's the end of his life and I just roll my eyes. When they confronted him he basically said the same type of things said by teens in the comments. "We need freedom," "Stay out of MY business," "You're just being an overbearing parent," etc, etc. How can teens think they have a say in how their parent chooses to parent?
When I'm a parent there will be rules and they will be obeyed or there will be consequences. Those consequences will not be my fault. My child will not be the "victim". They are the ones that made the choices and they will pay for those choices. Once they move out of the house and they pay for their food, house, car, insurance etc, then they can make as many bad choices as they wish. Then they are "free" to do whatever they want and their "business" is their business. Then I will not be the one overseeing punishments, but they will still see consequences, sometimes ones that are not as forgiving. But until then, when they are under my roof they will follow my rules. Those rules will not be meant to make them miserable, but to protect them from doing something stupid, ruining their lives (or worse) and really, truly making their lives miserable.
I'm not a parent, but I believe that being a parent is hard. There are times when you really don't want to fight them, but you have to. Don't let it go or stop caring because then you'll have out of control kids. Kids that don't understand consequences in the real world. They can do whatever they want. Right? Wrong.
I'm amazed by the younger coworkers that call in constantly, sleep on the jobs and blow off supervisors because the don't have a degree. Then they act like they were wronged when they are fired. Hello! This is nursing, not the grocery store where you worked as a teen or your childhood home where you could walk all over everybody and break all the rules and not face consequences. Or the kids that party all the time in college and then are surprised when they don't have a good grade and complain and blame the prof. Or the teenager in the line at the theatre screaming at the ticketholder because they can't get in to an R rated movie. Oh my gosh! What kind of parents did they have?
Not all teens are like that, but something's going wrong somewhere. I mean the other day I heard a kid about 8 cursing his mom out! When I was 8 there was none of that. There is a serious lack of parenting and willingness to discipline in the US of A and Canada and it will cost us in the future, if it is not remedied.
I really think this is stupid. A teenager is a teenager and he/she will do anything to have some fun. I'm 15 and grew up with a mom on drugs and have bounced from state to state, but still to this day i havent ever come close to even touching any type of drug. Me and my mom have a real tight relationship, even though someone is on drugs it doesnt mean they're mentally challeged and all cost, there hope is gone. It's not like that. Obviously, they got into some bad choices. Which brings me to my conclusion. Kids will be kids and even if you strap cuffs to them to hold there feet together, if they wanna leave they're going too. You cant stop a teen from anything. They will push you and push you too see how far they can get. It's typical teenagers.
If you don't let your child make mistakes she/he will never learn. The author admits to having been rebellious as a teenager and making mistakes, that in retrospect, were not well thought out. The reason why she is so aware now, and feels so strongly about teenagers sneaking out, is she was once in the same position. If all parents shelter their children this much, when they get to college where alcohol and promiscuity are rampant, they are all more likely to take full advantage of their freedom and privacy. It is better that they learn what consequences could take place, in high school and middle school where they have friends and family who will watch out for them, and who can get them help when things get out of hand, rather than learn when they are in a hazy fraternity house with drugged up twenty year olds who are only interested in seeing how drunk they can get your child. I"m not saying to let your kids do whatever, but to allow them a degree of freedom to make their own teenage mistakes to look back on, and to learn boundaries and their personal limits so they don't go crazy in college when you are no longer there to restrict where they can go, with whom, and to do what.
This is absolutely crazy. Privacy is a huge part of the relationship between kids and parents. Let's be honest, do they really want to know?
What a big waste. I go to flea markets and buy broken pocketwatches, and I put them around doors and under car tires. In the morning I go and see if any are broken. If any = discipline. Anyway mine aren't any big problem. I caught the mailman.
Hahahaha. Just let us be young!
While this post has some sound advice, I think these are measures that should be taken AFTER the teen has proven untrustworthy. While disipline is important, too much will only cause further rebelion. Remember that your child will eventually be in charge of themselves. Also how would you feel if the child invaded YOUR privacy? Snooping in the room, while a valid method of determining what your child has been up to, is not always neccesary. And in responce to the post above, "How can teens think they have a say in how their parent chooses to parent?"?! Try looking at it from the kid's perspective. In this case, the grounding was justified, but what if you acted unfairly? Despite what you might think, teens are not weak-willed idiots who live to disobey. There are comprimises you can make. I'm not saying you shouldn't lay down the law when it's nessasary, but keep in mind what you do to your child today affects how they'll behave as an adult. Do try to instill in them the value of obeying rules, but if you ignore any attempts your child makes to talk to you, prepare to have many more troubles with them down the road.
Finally, while you might be trying to keep your kids from making your mistakes, remember they are not you. They might not make the same mistakes you did, in fact, they might know better or make different ones.
OMG no wonder your kids rebel
STUPID ADVICE STUPID ADVICE STUPID ADVICE
IF I WERE UR KIDS I WOULD RUN AWAY AND UR KIDS MIGHT ALREADY BE PLANNING THIS! ALL OF UR KIDS ARE GOING TO DO THINGS THAT UR NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH BUT THAT IS HOW WE LEARN! UR TRAPPING UR FRICKING KIDS GIVE THEM FREEDOM
ITS LIKE A REMAKE OF YES MAN
LET THEM BE FREE
IT IS NATURAL FOR A PARENT TO FEEL LIKE THIS BUT U HAVE TO LET IT GO GIVE THEM SOME SPACE
U ARE ALL CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP PARENTS
EVEN I HATE U
FUCKING HELL!! LEAVE THEM ALONE
I have been reading all the comments on this and I think that every teen is going to make different mistakes and choices, my daughter is just 14 and her boyfriend of 3 days decided to walk to the place she was staying at overnight and talk her into sex, she is ADHD and also suffering from depression, I have tried for the past 2 years to work only through school hours, checked her mobile on occassions and commented on occassions when I thought the txt's were inappropriate from some friends that she knows or has met on msn, I have trusted her completely, I have spoken to her completely about different things like this, how boys can take advantage of her without her realising, and she still did the wrong thing at only 14. Now you teenagers tell me what I did wrong as a parent, I trusted, I let her have freedom, and still she did this at the wrong time, she is ONLY 14. There is no repect these days at all, the teachers at school can't disaplin, we cant dissaplin, (excuse the spelling) so I'm at a loss.
all of yall are bad and disrespectful and do not deserve freedom when yall are not trust worthy, yeah kids are going to screw up but as a parent when we have giving yall respect, freedom, have talked to our kids and they still do things and say they don't care then kids like this dont need freedom or cell phone, if a teeager can be disrespectful and ungrateful how hard a parent works to provide things for them, today i think we give our kids to much, kids who do not have alot i think they have more respect for their parents and themselves....enough is enough as parents we do not have to kiss our children a@@.
omg you are so strict let your kid have some fun it is part of the highschool experience!
Everybody just quit worrying gah, one day all of us teens will be 18, what a glorious day that will be when we can foreget about crap like this and live. I just don't get it, one day were gunna die and none of this will matter cuz we will be in heaven or hell I just say live your life and do what ur heart tells u
Ok. Great Ideas...Not Ezactly. Some Of these "tips" are WAY to overbearing. Ha im 17 right now and sneeking in the room and calling of the friends parents throughout the evening is waay too much. My mom doesnt do that and I am perfectly fine. I have fantastic grades and am Not Sexually active. If she were to Listen to this advice then Im sure Id turn into what you've been warning about. If you keep a nice open relationship with your teen from the beginning then everything should be fine.
Wow. Never thought of that. Good tips for me to remember and I didn't know that most teens don't use protection. I thought I was the only one who wouldn't use protection for the first time and I thought the guy would be all condom crazy, but I still don't see the reason for them.
My daughter has been sneaking out and having random sex with strangers (met that hour or evening) for 4 years now. Now she is 17 and tonight is trying to lie her way into a party with no adult and plenty of alchohol and sex (yes, it's happened before). When your teen takes it to the point of having to do everything her way and letting her make your household rules, you are dealing with a little terrorist. There is no "relationship" to save. Search their room, take their driving priveleges, call the police on them, rig their bedroom door with an alarm and nail the window shut, YES. Protect her... FROM HERSELF and the exponentially uncountable sexual partners that she is trying to expose herself to. Protect her from the adult men who don't care about her age and will rape her and drive around town drunk or high on drugs. (Once pulled over with 5 adult black males at 3am for running a red light... she was catatonic with grass all over her back, and we spend the rest of the night at the police station). Your desire to "trust" will be EXPLOITED. Your desire for a "relationship" will backfire and ultimately there will be none, if your teen survives the risky behaviours and suicidal thoughts. Just had her admitted to a mental hospital for wanting to commit suicide, have her in extensive counseling, have given her love and attention, and nothing improves except her act. We have other children to raise, who she is also bringing down. 6 months until she turns 18 and can self destruct without our protection. God help her, as she won't let me.
You have serious issues. Talk to your children about safe sex, get them condoms, birth control. All this will do is make your kids absolutely hate you and do things behind your back some other way, and be gone forever the day of their 18th birthday.
this is all true! haha. i am a sophmore in high school, and i have snuck out quite a bit. it is Very risky for me because my parents are so strict. but once i took my moms keys when she fell asleep and picked my friend that is a girl, up. it was fun i am actually sneakimg out tonight to see my bf. he is picking me up. and all we do is make out though , nothing like have sex.
Please.. Don't do this, embarrasing us like that by sneaking in our personal stuff.. My mom would never do such a horrible thing
I think a lot of this increasing disrespectful behavior has to to will lack of being able to discipline kids. We can't discipline with out someone saying its child abuse. Some of these kids need a good old fashion butt whooping!
I'm 16.... i'm not the best kid ever, but I know my limits. I don't drink if I know I can't rely on my friend to drive me home. If my parents take my cell, I have a "track phone" with minutes that my parents don't know about.. hehehe My parents have alarms on the doors but they are battery powered, so if I get out the handy dandy screw driver I can get out easy.My parents are light sleepers, but I can totally push my car down the drive lol. And the reason I sneak out is because my parents wont just let me cruise around with my friends. I mean seriously my friends are good ppl. Never do drugs, drink, or smoke. Nothing. And my parents know that. But I can't just drive around and waste gas and have fun. Oh well.
Anyways what I'm saying is if you are strict, your kids will just rebel anywayz. We are pretty smart.
Im 15 and ive snuck out before to see my girlfriend we didnt d0 anything but makeout an talk an hold hands we hardly get to see eachother because her parents are control freaks an we really love eachother, i think this is bullshit i think parents should be in favor of letting teenagers explore as long as they dont take it to far like sex, honestly i disagree on this.
okay, woah. i am 17 and i have very very over bearing parents. IT DOESNT MATTER. I was grounded for 6 months and still managed to lose my virginity in those 6 months. kids will do what they want to do. i am telling you this because i have been and still am living with the parents that do everything this 'ex-rebel' is telling other parents to do. because of this, i have a terrible relationship with them. i actually started having sex and doing drugs BECAUSE they were so over bearing. now i do it because its fun ;) I WANT ALL PARENTS TO READ THIS: due to my misery of living in my house with my over bearing parents, we went to many many many family therepists. they ALL recomended that my parents lay off and trust me. in turn, i would trust them. IT. WORKED. i tell them almost everything, they know all of my friends, they know i smoke weed and they know im sexually active. although they were alittle uneasy at first, they prefer me to tell them rather than them finding out. ALSO, because they trust me so much, i have NEVER snuck out. EVER. i would feel bad, my parents trust me, i dont want to fuck that up. ALSO because of our respect for eachother, i have never had sex in my house and i have never smoked weed in my house. it is disrespectful to my family. my parents know where i am all the time because i TELL THEM. i have a good head on my shoulders and they trust me to make the right decisions. DO NOT BE OVERBEARING. YOUR KIDS WILL HATE YOU. COMMUNICATE WITH THEM ON THEIR LEVEL AND TRUST THAT YOU HAVE RAISED YOUR KID TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. YOU HAVE TO BE CHILL WITH THEM AND THEY WILL RESPECT YOU. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. LIFE HAS BEEN SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT NOW THAT WE ARENT FIGHTING 24/7.
You are an awful parent.
O god i just turned 25.n wen i was a teen i was horrible.but the only reason i was so bad was because my dad did all these kinds of thingz.ok i agree with the cell phone at night rule if they are like 13 or 14.but parents doing all these crazy other thingz are ridiculous.because my father did all these thingz i have kno relationship with him.he iz not aloud to come visit my husband n i at all.parents when you do these types of thingz yur teen iz just going to get worse.my father gave me no freedom.i was not aloud to have boy girl parties on halloweeni i wasnt aloud to trick or treat without an adult till i turned 17.my father went to my highschool dances with me.knobody wanted to be frends with me because of my dad.he put locks n 4 four screens on my windows wen i was nine..all of the advice that you are giving to these parents iz good if they worked in a prison.your teen needs to feel like you can trust them.my father had the whole house on lock down n i still found ways to get out..my father tried so hard to control me.all he needed to do was take the prison locks out of the house.the only reason i rebelled so much was because i was angry with him.i knew he culdnt trust me.he atartwd the lock down when i was nine.his x wife had givin him this advice n he took it.i got to the point were i didnt care if i wadnt aloud to have boys in the house i wuldnt sneek them in i wuld let them in through the front door while my dad was watching.if he said for him to leave i wuld go with him n wr wuld rent hotels with hia credit card n stay ther for a few days..it took my father 12 yrs to realize that he was wrong for putting me into a prison.n that i was rebeling so much only because i was angry with him.parents if yur teen is acting up so muchyou hav to understand that your child is not perfect ther going to make horrible mistakes but you have to keep loving on them knomatter how much you dont dont like them or how old they are or how embarrasing it is to them.if they act a cartain way to you infront of their frends its only becus they want to seem cool.you have to trust god for the most part n keep praying..go to a church n give your teen a mentor that can relate to what they are going through.remember rebelling is an act shown out of anger and alot of sadness.ofcourse yur child is going to rebel its only normall i mean you wer a teen once too.
O god i just turned 25.n wen i was a teen i was horrible.but the only reason i was so bad was because my dad did all these kinds of thingz.ok i agree with the cell phone at night rule if they are like 13 or 14.but parents doing all these crazy other thingz are ridiculous.because my father did all these thingz i have kno relationship with him.he iz not aloud to come visit my husband n i at all.parents when you do these types of thingz yur teen iz just going to get worse.my father gave me no freedom.i was not aloud to have boy girl parties on halloweeni i wasnt aloud to trick or treat without an adult till i turned 17.my father went to my highschool dances with me.knobody wanted to be frends with me because of my dad.he put locks n 4 four screens on my windows wen i was nine..all of the advice that you are giving to these parents iz good if they worked in a prison.your teen needs to feel like you can trust them.my father had the whole house on lock down n i still found ways to get out..my father tried so hard to control me.all he needed to do was take the prison locks out of the house.the only reason i rebelled so much was because i was angry with him.i knew he culdnt trust me.he atartwd the lock down when i was nine.his x wife had givin him this advice n he took it.i got to the point were i didnt care if i wadnt aloud to have boys in the house i wuldnt sneek them in i wuld let them in through the front door while my dad was watching.if he said for him to leave i wuld go with him n wr wuld rent hotels with hia credit card n stay ther for a few days..it took my father 12 yrs to realize that he was wrong for putting me into a prison.n that i was rebeling so much only because i was angry with him.parents if yur teen is acting up so muchyou hav to understand that your child is not perfect ther going to make horrible mistakes but you have to keep loving on them knomatter how much you dont dont like them or how old they are or how embarrasing it is to them.if they act a cartain way to you infront of their frends its only becus they want to seem cool.you have to trust god for the most part n keep praying..go to a church n give your teen a mentor that can relate to what they are going through.remember rebelling is an act shown out of anger and alot of sadness.ofcourse yur child is going to rebel its only normall i mean you wer a teen once too.
Sorry but does no one else see here that if you try and stop your child from going out/seeing boyfriends they will only do it more and get more rebellious!
Teenage years are the most fun and reckless years of your life, it may be your kid but why deprive them of having fun!
What?? I really think this is a little ridiculous. I was actually a pretty well-behaved teenager, never snuck out of the house at night or anything,didn't have underage sex or do drugs ~ my parents being strictish did have an influence on this I suppose. but the thing is, they never trusted me. For some reason when I was seventeen they went through a period where they were convinced I was doing drugs, for absolutely no reason. They hated the idea of me hanging with my friends unless we were doing something specific; a bit silly because this being Ireland there's not a lot for teenagers to do but simply hang out aimlessly a lot of the time, mostly innocently. At the age of eighteen they were still giving me ridiculous curfews of 11pm and didn't like me going to parties unless they called parents, etc. They were convinced I was doing these things that I really wasn't.
Now at 21 I have an absolutely terrible relationship with my parents. Because of all the lack of trust and respect they showed me when I was growing up, I can't trust them myself and can't talk to them about problems or issues, can't even relax when I'm in the same room as them. I'm jealous of all the great relationships my friends have with their parents and I will never have that, because they destroyed it when I was younger. They never gave me the chance to try anything and were constantly showing me that they thought I was a bad immoral person.
I really think this hub is a bit over the top. Obviously you have to keep an eye on your teenage kids and yes they do like to rebel. But take it too far and you could destroy any possibilities of having a good adult relationship with them. You need to show them that you can trust them (at least until they show you that you can't) and please, try to give them some respect. In the long run you'll have a much better relationship and they will thank you for it. I'm not saying let them go wild, obviously. Just give them some privacy and let them live their lives a little, for God's sake.
I'm going to start off and say I'm 14. I have a fair amount of disagreements with these statements and tips, but I do understand the intentions. My parents and I have a relatively good relationship with eachother right now, but there are times where I do want to do something without adult supervision 24/7 (which is my dad's law) And once I did kinda break trust with my parents.
First off, I want y'all to understand that I'm one of "those kids" who gets straight A's regularly, and plays the piano for grandma etc etc. But like many, many teens, I have the "need to belong" gene in me. I'm pretty popular at my school, and make myself known, but I do so in a way that doesn't make adults have negative connotations on me.
Every time there is a conflict between myself and someone else, I do my best not to blame everything soley on what they did wrong. If I had an argument with my parents that went "If YOU had just let me do this, there would be no problem!"
That's just another way of telling them it's just their fault, and will not make them want to listen to what I have to say for myself. I've almost always had a relatively clear head and I'm normally able to recognize the possible consequences of what my actions could do, which is not something everyone can do.
Some of the teenagers' posts here have said "parents should put themselves in their kids shoes for a bit", and I whole-heartedly agree with that. But I think us teens should put ourselves in our parents shoes for a bit too.
Parenting and supplying/supporting for a family is very difficult and stessful. Now add raising a teen girl or boy who has the potential to get knocked up or knock somebody up. And it hurts to see someone you care about get hurt by having that crushing responsibly thrust upon them at that age. Or to see them get hurt through drugs.
And another excuse I've been seeing a lot in this hub is "We're teens, we're going to mess up!"
We can't always use that excuse. I'm 14, and I've already realized that. If you're 16 or 17, you have had plenty of time to know it too.
And this whole sneaking out and sex thing. Once I sort of snuck out to meet up with my boyfriend. I didn't exactly lie, I just didn't tell the full truth, which is technically a more sneaky way of lying. Yes, I have sexual cravings at this age too (crazy world, isn't it?" but every time the urge gets really really strong, I think of one sentence and I can control it to a point where I can convince myself to wait.
I ask myself how would I feel if at age 15, I had to say "Mom/Dad, I'm pregnant"
It would break just about every tie we have. Trust is such a big part of my values, and I always do my best to not break it. Once it's gone, it's hard as hell to gain it back.
But back to the original topic, I think those ideas/suggestions are quite harsh. If putting your child on lock-down supposedly "helps" them, I'm saying right now it's going to do nothing for either side. The teen will find a way to sneak out, and at some point, you'll have taken everything they had away and then they'll have nothing to lose.
If you feel like there's no relationship to break, then you're wrong. Despite all the cruel things they've said to you, they love you and truly do want you to love them back. But if you stop caring, all they'll feel is like you pushed them away.
I'm 16 and have a fair amount of freedom and a pretty good relationship with my parents, yet I still like to rebel. It's natural in most teens to rebel, it's what we do and there's no stopping it. Whether the parents are overbearing or completely "chill" teenagers will still rebel. I used to be a so called "pothead" but finally quit drugs completely a couple of months ago. My parents never had any idea I did any drugs, matter of fact they thought I was completely against them. I grew up with older brothers as well, them being all boys (me the youngest and only girl) I notices they tried to give the boys more freedom since I am a girl, I think it is unfair so I get just as much freedom as they did. Almost every night over the summer I would lie about where I was going to go get drunk and get high. But last night I finally got caught being drunk at a party because my name was accidently mentioned to my parents. Having said that, I don't regret going and i will definately go "party "again. My consequences are that I'm grounded for 2 weeks and until I gain their trust back they will be calling parents to see if that's where I'm really staying. This has also given me more freedom. To prevent me from lying, my mom and I made a deal that I can go to parties as long as I come home and as long as I'm not drunk when I come home. I think those are reasonable consequences. Now that my story is out, all I'm trying to prove is that I just had to experience those things myself to understand what I've been doing is so disrespectful to my parents. Not allowing your teens to experience anything is a possibility to make them want to experience this all when they are older and it is riskier since they don't know what they are doing and they could get into more serious stuff than just marijuana. I'm not saying go let your teen go do drugs and get drunk, let them know the consequences of doing so and let them decide if they are willing to accept those consequences or not. Doing all of these things, I am still a good student with good grades and I have a part time job. We just have to experience to understand, teens learn from their own mistakes, not other people.
I'm 17 I read this whole thing and all I have to say is I would HATE to be your kid. Really your going to the extreme.
I find this article annoying since your telling all of the secrets to sneaking out. Thanks a lot. I would HATE to be your kid. I bet your one of those really annoying in your face type of mothers. Seriously, get over yourself. Not every teen is a whore like you.
I would actually jump off a building if I were your child. Not everyone is some slut like you. I just like to rage and that hurts no one. Get over yourself,
Thanks
why dont you just make them understand that if they are going to engage in that kind of stuff (which they WILL whether you like it or not) just to go about it the right way and use appropriate protection etc, ESPECIALLY if they are older teens e.g. 18+
There is no point acting psychotic about it all searching phone records etc etc unless they are very young or still act very immature etc...
All in all my gf has strict parents but the problem is that we have been dating for 5+ years and are now in our 20's and HER parents still act/treat us as described above (which i find to be quite disturbing/psychotic/get a fucking life coz this is 21st century!!!!
I think that this is helpful. although a little unfair... why should you be able to get away with this? and no-one else can? did you have a bad experience during the sneaking out?
Okay so I found this site while looking 4 ways 2 sneak out lol an parents be warned, ur kid will always find a way to sneek out. My mom has a alarm system, I figured out da code an can come an go azz I Plz.
Peace Out
I find your hub, As you call it very.. How should I say "over cooked" lol . I'm sure you've heard " what's a relationship without trust" the same can be applied for a teen and his/hers parents.
With any relation there has to be trust..
That being said I'm 17 and trusted. I can even understand the stress of parents (in this day in age, teens are a SHIT LOAD) but if I WERE in those shoes and I would want my kids to understand that there is a level of trust (and yes even with the hideous mistakes). That makes the bond stronger. Maybe some teens just need some type of trust from parents to really appreciate the love there parents..
Just trying to look at both window views, I guess.
"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."
- Ernest Hemingway
I just read this and laughed.read the comments and laughed harder.lol.you guys are soooo lucky and yet you abuse it.you see, im african and where i am we don't get all this privacy and all this stuff.yu see if you're 16 and you're caught wif a boyfriend, your parents will skin you alive.literally.im 14 and i can't even try havin one now talk of havin sex!please use your privilages well don't abuse them
Hey for all the parents who intend on using these disciplinary practices on the ir children: YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO PARTY SO HARD WHEN THEY GET TO COLLEGE.think about it
WOW! really? all this is necessary im 16yrs old n ive snuck out 3xs for a guy to hve sex n giv bjs.....but this post is way to overprotecting....were teens we need space n freedom, this post is ridicuosly retarded.....this wud drag us away frm ourparents...
Thats so silly
This is just good advice for kids to be careful and know what to expect. Thanks for the help. I'll check to see if my parents do this too!!!
why dont all the teens here google "dies after sneaking out" see what you get. then think about how we parents have to feel for the rest of our life. Not Just from the death of a child which I am pretty sure is the worst that could ever happen to a human being but to also know EVERY day that if we had just done more. Especialy single parents whos teen take advange of the fact that thier parent works thier ass off to give thier child a roof over thier head, food in thier bellys etc.. only to have the whole reason for the parents exsistance just walk away knowing it may be forever. Leaving the parent with out a goodbye or even a thankyou.
this must be a joke, why dont you go and buy your child a lead for walks too? young love isn't something to try and prevent, aslong as their using a condom and they are both agree they want to do it, whats so terrible? as for ringing them throughout the evening and checking up on the places they have stayed over, if you do this to a child they will go insane not to mention the names their school mates will call your family, they need freedom
I am 14 years old and recently got caught sneaking out for the first time and i feel horrible about it. But honestly the reason I did it is because a lot of things had happened to me recently and basically I just needed to get away.
And yes I understand "ohhh shes so young and she's sneaking out already, she must be horrible." Definitley NOT ! I am an amazing child, respectful and very smart. I am on the presidents list and I've been getting scholarships for Louisiana colleges since 8th grade, so I think I am pretty good.
The thing that provoked me to sneak out is because I just wanted to see what it was like to be bad for once, to do someathing out of the ordinary.
I dont smoke, dont have sex, and dont do anything that most of the people at my school do. But when I snuck out to go sit with a friend in the hospital I lost all my mothers trust, hurt a lot of people that cared for me, and got many privilages taken away from me. I learned my lesson and I know my rights from wrong, so your blog is not the best. Like you said you wrote this on how you acted as a teen, not how teens act now. And if my mom were to ever do me like the things in this article you said she should, then I honestly wouldnt understand why. Yes, I make mistakes but everyone does but the difference between me and a lot of people is that I learn from my mistakes.
When I do wrong I know I do and I dont geet mad or even argue when the consequences come my way. I just take it, and I hate to see my mom hurt, cry, or in pain and I dont ever want to be that cause of that pain, but I dont want her to do these things and make me feel like I'm the worst child ever and need to be under her supervision every second of the day. So not every mom should be like this, actually no mom should be like this, and coming from a level headed, good teenager all we really need is for our parents to show love, talk to us, try to open us up and there probably wont be any secrets needed and this blog wouldnt mean a thing if parents just talked and was around for there kids more.
I cant believe you are so untrustworthy. Thats probably because of how ridiculously rebelious you were when you were younger. But I am 16 years old and if my parents treated me like this I would find a way to do way worse than what I do now. I snuck out and had sex ONCE, it was stupid now that i tink back on it but this is even stupider. Parents dont EVER treat your children like this ! they will never talk to you or be open with you and when they grow up you probably wont even hear from them. Just trust them and if they loose your trust then sit them down talk to them and tell them how you really feel and if they are good kids they will care and will change. But dont do this to your kids, you would just be asking for a bad relationship with them.
I'm 19 and the precautions in this for parents is freaking outrageous. You need to have an open relationship with your kids. My mom and I have always been open with each other. She knows everything I've ever done, every single time I snuck out, the time period I was smoking pot, my drinking. She knows it all. I'd even tell her when I was sneaking out. It was my dad that was the problem. He yelled at me for everything I ever did, no matter what it was. So I didn't trust him, and he didn't trust me. When I mess up, I sit down with my mom and we talk about it. You have to establish with your child, that they can talk to you about anything, and that they can trust you. Trust is a two way street, in order for you to trust them, they need to trust you.
I really want my mum to trust me but she doesn't and so a while ago I told her I was going to my female friends house and really went to a party. I was sensible and didn't do anything stupid, but I really don't want her to find out as she will go crazy! All of my sisters are really good and I feel awful for lying to my mum.
this person is soooo dumb! doing ANY of these things will make your kid hate you
im a teen myself, only 14, but i completely agree with everything the author wrote. now some of theses measures sound a lil bit extreme but i can completely understand. i had sex with my boyfriend a while ago, and i admit: it was a very stupid choice to make. my boyfriends parents found out and they are threatening to tell mine. im scared of my parents finding out becuase i know she will get very disappointed
i have an older sister and she was so bad that my parents did this. she turned out horrible! she had a child at 17 and still is doing drugs and partying. they kicked her out when she was 16 and they tried things differently with me. i was allowed to do what i wanted because my parents were normally involved. we would do family things. i hear my friends in college talking about how they moved across the state to get away from their parents and i only went an hour away to college to stay closer to my family. to all these teens i just have to say GROW UP the only reason parents would do this is if you are a bad kid
I love your advice, I wish my parents would have did this to me. When I was younger i snuck out all the time and my parents didn't have a clue. I even lost my virginity at 13 with my 18 year old bf. That resulted in me getting pregnant (which wasn't good.) GREAT ADVICE! I will definitley use this on my children when they hit teen years.
I'm 16, and I think some of the things on Herr are quite ridiculous. You make Teens seem as if they're a threat to society. Coming from personal experience, if you limit us more, try to protect us more, "nail the windows shut", we will rebel even more. I don't agree on drinking, or anything, but we're young, our brains are still developing. If you keep us locked up, we'll go crazy. These are OUR experiences as a teen. Our memories, our lives. My mom kept me on house arrest, and that's when I started to fight back, and that's when I got into drugs. I understand that you all are parents, and you care, but there is a borderline between caring parent, and crazy protective parent.
I have a 17 year old, she's in honor roll, and she got accepted into Yale.
I'm proud to say that I DID NOT raise my teen to this pages standards.
Let them be young!
Lets just say im glad im not your kid...
My mom spoke to me about sex when I was 14. She wasn't crazy or unrealistic; she said she understood that in these times people don't wait to have sex until they are married, and that it was ok, just as long as I was older and was smart and safe about it. What she said worked; I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20, in college, in a commited relationship. Point is, these are different times. If you try to understand your children and be realistic, they will listen to you and take your advice.
This website is redicilous not every teen is like this. Some parents dont trust their kids because of things like this. Ok so one teen went horribly wrong in their life, not everyone is gonna make the same mistakesas you. Parents just need to see that the world is changing. Its not the same as it use to be amd that everyone is different .....
This is very offensive to us teens! I'm only 12 and i do none of this but I do have a terrible relationship with my mother. I have only snuck out to our familyroom at night to txt! We need to be free but yes we also need discipline. It's all up to thearent and how they raise their child.
haha anyways im 15 wow big deal my parents let me do whatever i want sweet i dont do any drugs i am allowed to go to parties i spend the night at my gf's all the time she comes here not going to like we do have sex neither of our parents know about it but oh well they dont need to know haha :P but anyways i was never "jailed" in my house or given such strict rules this "parental help thingy" is total bull shit if my dad were like this i would tell him to sleep with a eye open or he would end up with a fork in his neck, so nobody listen to all this bs please my parents let me do what i want and im pulling straight A's other than in french i moved into quebec from a english state so yeah haha but anyways let your kids be and nothing bads going to happen were not stupid like the person who wrote this!
(please read this it took me a long time lol) HAHAHAHAH I thought my parents were bad.... Basically the most important thing in parent/child relationship is trust. End of story. To the writer of this, (im 15 btw) no matter what you do we will find a way if we want to do something lol. My parents are very strict -mainly my mother- and it makes my heart sink to be able to say i do not love her as much as i used to.we do not trust eachother AT ALL AT ALL. Do you want your children/child to think that? Im not perfect and some shit iv done you wouldnt be delighted exactly but im the goody out of my group of friends. Some of my friends have gone further than just smoking weed (on the terms of drugs) and if my mum keeps being as strict as she is one day im gonna crack and end up the same way. (I do not want to take any other drug other than weed btw atm) I would NEVER have sex, not for my parents sake, for mine and mine only. I know my parents dont want me too but i really couldnt give a fuck what they think because they are so harsh with me. its that persons choice not anyone elses! We all make mistakes, GET OVER IT YOU CANT STOP US!!!im a lil fuck up but i have got every respect for people and i always will. Im strongly against smoking (fags) even though i tried it. My parents dont let me live as much as my friends which leads me to rebel. I wish i could tell my parents but i cant. If something bad happens in my life i will never be able to tell them because i dont trust them. OH ONE MORE THING. Never try choose your childrens friends. Thats the main reason why my relationship with my mum is so shit. Excuse my language but stop your nonsence, you sound like your raising a monkey. Im not going to judge you because i dont know you but my advise to you is carrying out exactly what you have just said will become uncontrolable for you. Your free to correct me if im wrong. But let us fucking live jesus? LIKE WHAT 2PAC SHAKUR ONCE SAID "if your gonna smoke you smoke with your moma" meaning dont go try hiding things, no good comes theres no good lying etc! It fucks up not just the parents lives. It probably effects the childr more because its their life, no one elses. Just live you life happy , no matter what happens, we only live once. Thats the scary thing, we cant go back in time.think about that for a change. Wow this is long lol
This is really bad for you as a parent.. You don't trust your kid and you need to stop being so psycho.. Let your child breathe. Seriously.
Oh and by the way when your kids eighteen, he/she's not gonna "thank you" they're gonna go ape shit and do all the things you never gave them space to do. Reckless things lemme tell ya. Expect plenty tattoos and piercings
I think this is total bullshit, don't stalk your fucking child leave them the hell alone or theyre going to want to sneak out more often. You're probably just paranoid! Calm down! Talk to your kid first! Give them some freedom or they are going to rebel! Seriously whoever wrote this is stupid! Trust me I know all about this, sex is a normal thing for teens and it sounds like you just had some life issues at a young age doesn't mean everyone else has to join your pity party! When I started having sex I had protection and I used it. A lot of my friends didn't because they were afraid of their parents finding it so ultimately I think parents should chill out!
News flash: every teen I know uses protection.
I'm sixteen, have a 4.2, work 20 hours a week, have leadership positions in clubs, and play an instrument. I want to go to Georgetown, Tufts, or Dartmouth. I even spend the summers doing science internships.
That said, my parents would NEVER treat me this way. I would feel so disrespected if my mom locked me in my room, stalked my phone, or called my friends' moms when I stayed over. Its not that I have much to hide, but I would still feel extremely awkward about my mom reading stuff like flirty texts to my boyfriend and what not.
So with my mom's "lax" parenting (by your standards), I'm a responsible, well-adjusted teen who thrives in a social and professional environment. Have I had sex? Yeah, protected (with two methods) with my boyfriend of 14 months. I think it's healthy for teens to have protected sex, as long as it's consensual and both are ready. My mom talked to me about birth control when I got to high school. She took me to the OBGYN yearly, let me have a private talk with the doctor, and made it clear that protection was the most important thing--research has shown that teens who are educated about proper protection have lower pregnancy rates than those who are taught abstinence alone.
Have I tried drugs or alcohol? Yup. And I'm responsible. I've had weed and alcohol a few times, but only socially and to releive stress after a tough academic week. But I've never driven drunk/high, and I never will. I've never been arrested, gotten pregnant, or been an emotional wreck in any way. I'm just a los being a kid.
Frankly, your method of patenting is ridiculous. Dictatorships only work when those being dictated do not have access to information regarding a different lifestyle--your kids will be jealous of their friends' parents, and I highly doubt you will ever have a good relationship with them.
i am 13 years old and i am having sex daily.is this normal or not? i want answer
Honestly, this might seem overbearing but I'm 16 and I have snuck out before and suffered the consequences. I don't party or drink or smoke or do drugs, I just meet up with guys to you know, "do the dirty". But that was before my mom started to buckle down on me, and I'm happier she has. I mean, I am talking sexually to a man who is almost 5 years older than me but it's not like I'm off having sex every day. And try to be open and NOT freak out on your kid, honestly it just makes it worse. And if they are active, compensate with them, such as condoms, birth control, the shot ect... Or if their a girl, buy them a pregnancy test. It freaks us out. My mom did that to me and I stopped for awhile. And if your reading this, remember, you have to be careful. Always.
This is offensive D:..!..Im 14 and I sneak out as much as I can to see my boyfriend because our parents hate each other! We never had sex and we arent going to either! So dont just think kids are sneaking out to have sex. We sneek out because we truely love eachother and dont wanna be apart :[
this is a bit biased because not all teens do as much as what you bitch used to do. i mean cmon if you now that your kid sneaks out or has a girlfriend/boyfriend have a VERY close relation ship i think it would be best to use SOME of these tactics. the part about the blanket is their bussiness not yours. i sense a lot of biasism in this hub/fourm. prick
will you have sex with me
will you have sex with me
This is so ridiculous. Only do this if your child is OUT OF CONTROL. Good god, youd be an awful mother & your kids would hate you & rebel even more.
i remember me as a teen always going out with my friends and she would tell me come on come on in my room and most of the time she would have naked boys there and she said SEX Time!! all the boys would be on me showing me stuff i couldn't be seeing the best way to not let your child to do this is not let them sleep over anywere unless you there cheack onhim or her every five minutes and it probably won't happ.
About a month ago my parents caught me with a boy when I was supposed to be at a basketball game. They took my phone, my door, my computer, everything. They don't know I have my iPod. I'm depressed now; I've been diagnosed with it. I literally hate my life. I wasn't even doing anything with the guy! He's one of my good friends and we were just hanging out but my parents jump to conclusions. My mom now hates me and it makes me feel bad about myself every day. I'm not even allowed to live with her. I have to live with my dad until I'm 18 (I'm 15 now). Acouple nights after it happened I started cutting and I haven't stopped. I told my mom. She told me she hopes I die. She also told me she's going to help me move out when I'm 18 because she doesn't want to see me anymore. I got my phone back for a day and my parents put software on it so they can see everything I do. It just made me feel worse. They yell at me all the time. And I feel terrible every day. In a way I do think life would be better if I wasnt here. I would never do any of the stuff my parents did to me to my child because of how bad I feel. I really do want to die and it's because of my parents.
i like that
this ruined my life...
ok ...@ Nashra 53 same here and this is over parenting if you want a good relationship with your teens let them go late and hope to god that they ok .let them hav responceabilty and try be cook if you know what i mean ? let there friends chrash at your house tlet them go out because if they get caught by the cops youll now were they are and it would be lass of a hasel ...thats my opinion sorry if it disagrees with this whole blog .
Hahaha, wow. This is pretty ridiculous.. Any parent who is going to the extremes of this is going to lose any relation ship with their child. I am 16 and yes I have snuck out a couple times... I didn't do anything wild but I'm pretty sure everyone's snuck out at least once.. Invading every piece of your child's privacy is cruel and wrong.. Keeping a good relationship and talking will keep trust and honesty between the parents there is no need to go to the extreme of bailing windows, and taking there cell phones. That is my opinion to parents, don't listen to someone who was a complete bad ass. Of your child is honestly that hard to handle go see a pshyciatrist. I am shocked anyone would do all of this it's nonsense. Your going to loose your child in the sense of them not wanting to be around you. I would be stressed out if this was happening to me.
seasonschange Hub Author 2 years ago
This is to warn parents.